010: Finding trust again after betrayal – Anne McKeown

By Tegan Marshall

Subscribe on iTunes

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Anne McKeown who shares:

How she learnt to trust again after betrayal when she uncovered a huge secret about her boyfriend when he died unexpectedly
Moving through the stages of grief
Overcoming shame and guilt to find love again
Stepping into your circle of power
How important it is to support our teenagers
Managing the transition in motherhood when your children grow up and don’t need you as much any more

Tegan’s Take Aways:

Don’t judge a person from the outside, look into their eyes and into their soul and get to know who they truly are
Follow your heart and trust your gut
Give and receive unconditional love
Do one thing every day towards your dreams and that can be large or small as long as it’s something each day
Don’t listen to the fears of others, even if they mean well, make your own way

About Anne McKeown

Anne McKeown, from Scotland, lives in Sydney, Australia. She is married and has two teenage daughters. Throughout her expansive career, Anne has worked in Corporate, Education, and the Charity arena.

She runs her coaching business www.2Mpower.co with her sister. “We are the 2Ms = McKeown & Murray,” she says “and our mission is ‘to empower’ others to live the life they were born to live.”

Anne loves to write and has recently finished her first book, a memoir, written to help others overcome adversity. It is due to be published soon.

Anne delivers humble yet humorous keynote speeches and runs seminars on various topics ranging from trust through to volunteering. She is a Master Coach, NLP Practitioner, a Chaplain and has a BA(hons) RES, Brighton University UK.

Contact Anne McKeown

www.2MPower.co

2MPower.co

A Gift for Listeners From Anne McKeown:

An empowering language download that lists dis-empowering language that might be being used and provides empowering alternatives. This is great for the language used by yourself and those around you but also to apply to what you say to yourself as well.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won’t share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Anne McKeown and 2MPower. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 010: Trusting again after betrayal – Anne McKeown

Anne McKeown’s Fearless Story

I was working in corporate for a large oil company and had what some people would say “she had it all”
Company car, apartment of my own in my early twenties
The joy of world travel, a great job, a beautiful partner and I was really happy
I had gone to a conference for work and my boss had asked me to do something that was going to be detrimental to the people I worked with
I had said, “I don’t know that I can do that” and he had said, “Well if you don’t then someone else will”
I remember that feeling like a stab in the heart because this was someone who I admired and I trusted and he was responsible for the team
I remember realising that it wasn’t the people that mattered, it was the bottom line
So I flew back up to Glasgow where I was living at the time and there was a message to say that my boyfriend had been involved in a car crash
I called one of his friends and asked what had happened and where is he so that I could go and see him and he said, “You cant Anne, because his wife is with him”
I just couldn’t believe it
The two men that I loved and respected, over a period of two days, I had just lost my trust
I wandered around for a while in a bit of a daze and red wine became my very good friend
I was just lost
I had to decide where I was going to head and what I was going to do and to do that I had to look at my core values and what was important to me
It was a gut feeling and women are very intuitive but as human beings, we aren’t very good at listening to our intuition
If we get a feeling we tend to just fob it off whereas an animal will react to their instinct completely
This was one of the times my instinct was so strong, I think because of the double blow
I kept talking with my mum asking, “What should I do?” and she said, “Just stop sitting on the fence and just do it”
So I went to my boss and told him he can get someone else to do that deed because I wasn’t going to
I then volunteered for what was supposed to be six months and I ended up working with lepers in India, blind people in Africa, with the homeless in Australia
Through that, it was probably the poorest I ever was and the least I’d ever had
But the strongest, most satisfied, most needed, the most rewarded, it was just the best time of my life
So it was great to have had that experience
And just to step back a bit, you weren’t able to go to your boyfriends funeral or anything to get closure
No, his friends wouldn’t tell me any of the details in case I showed up
It turns out he was living a double life and had a family and everything in England
I went through a stage of thinking, “Why couldn’t I see it?” and “How could I have been so stupid?”

What did you learn from that experience?

I learnt about love really because I really loved him and he loved me
I learnt about being true to yourself
Not being able to go to the funeral was really hard for me and I was really angry so when I did my volunteering I actually had quite a hard heart
I went off angry and there are stages of grief that you go through and I did carry all of that with me which probably wasn’t all that healthy at the time

How did you turn that around?

I was in Sydney and I saw an advert in a local paper and I moved in with this lovely lady who was kind of like an Aunty
What she told me later was that she was a Catholic nun and she worked with the homeless and refugees
She asked me if I wanted to go and work with her and I hadn’t had any intention of working as I had come to Australia for a holiday
But I was a bit flat and a bit depressed and she said, “You’ve got to get out, you didn’t come to the other side of the world to wallow”
One day there was a group of down syndrome people and they were touching my hair and my face which I found a bit uncomfortable
But by the time I had finished working there I had so much love from the people there, more than I’d ever had from anywhere else
And it was unconditional love and that for me was a big breakthrough
I realised, for me to be happy in life, I had to follow their example
To give and receive of unconditional love

What happened next?

A friend of mine was getting married and so I had to go back home
I didn’t want to because it meant facing all of my friends and actually I didn’t tell anyone that he was married because I was so ashamed
I thought everyone would say, “Oh you’re so stupid” and “How did you not know?”
So I just didn’t tell anyone anything about the funeral or anything
My mother was the only person I confided in
I think I felt like I had unknowingly become a mistress and that didn’t sit well with me
So I didn’t really want to go home
But the Sister had given me several techniques for dealing with grief, of which I am forever indebted to her for
So off I went home for my friends wedding and she kept telling me that I would meet someone else but I wasn’t interested and all the guests were friends from the oil industry that I already knew
And it was at that wedding that I met my husband
He had been brought up in Africa and was all about nature and the important things in life isn’t things
We had met previously but I had been very much wrapped up in the corporate life and the 80’s perms, shoulder pads, money and status
So we had nothing in common previously
But when we met at the wedding he had gone off and done an MBA and was now in a managerial role and working on investments and things
And I had gone the opposite way and gone a bit bohemian
So our paths had crossed over and we were both able to relate to both sides of life
Where most of my friends said, “You’ve missed all these shows on TV”, he said, “Don’t you just love the smell of Africa?”
So we connected on a different level

What are you passionate about today?

That experience is what led me into working as a coach and working in pastoral care
When I went back to the UK I got a job working with teenagers
What I found is that where they were afraid to speak to their parents about issues and change
Whether that was physical, spiritual, or hormonal
They didn’t feel like they had someone that would just listen
Parents were always there to tell them what they were doing wrong, rather than what they were doing right
And if they were to go to the counsellor it had a bit of a tag like you had an illness of some sorts or there is something wrong with you
Whereas to be seen as a coach I would always use the analogy of an Olympic coach who pushes people to become their best
And that’s what I would do with them
Whether it was issues at home, or with a teacher, or that they weren’t coping with the homework or that they just lacked confidence in themselves, in fact some of them actually hated themselves
This broke my heart because we can see the good in others but we don’t always see it in ourselves
So I worked with these kids to get them to love themselves and the ripple effect from that was to love their family, love their friends and love life
I got a huge amount of satisfaction from that
We moved to Australia eight years ago and for the first number of years I did local voluntary work because my husband travelled a lot with school and for the kids to settle into school and become part of the community
I just did things like Meals on Wheels and visiting some of the elderly
Then we got our house and we got settled and the kids were now at high school and they didn’t need me as much any more
And that’s when I hit another real low
I felt like I lost my identity a wee bit
My kids were busy, my husband was busy and I was like, “Well what do I do now?”
Technology had moved on so much that I didn’t think I would be able to grasp it
I suppose you lose your confidence when you’re at home all the time
I didn’t want to go back into corporate
So I went to see a business coach who suggested I go back to what I love but I didn’t want to be just at one school so she suggested I set something up myself so I can help teenagers everywhere
But I was really scared because I’d never had a business before

So how did you overcome that fear?

Well, some people say to have a business plan
But I think one thing every day should be your business plan
One small step, consistent action every day
And I started to share with friends how I felt
That’s why I love what you do Tegan because it’s about taking off the mask and being real and not hiding behind saying everything is ok
I would say to people how I thought I had hit menopause and I didn’t know who I was or what to do
And they would often share how they were feeling the same
I started to realise there were quite a lot of women around who felt like that
As I began to use my skills from the past people would come back and tell me what a difference it had made in their lives
So then this lady suggested why don’t you do coaching here
I started just by helping a few friends and then they would ask me to talk to their children and it just grew from there
I’ve also studied NLP and I’ve done a master coach course and also a post graduate in chaplaincy

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I wrote this story a long time ago and never published it
So the thought of putting it into a book and getting it out there terrifies me a wee bit
But it’s like opening an old wound or an old coffin
And the process I find a bit scary and overwhelming
Everyone says to self-publish but I don’t even know where to start
I guess I should take my own advice and do one thing every day towards it
I think fear comes from worrying about what other people will think
But does it really matter what others will think?

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Christie Pinto

Who inspires you? Mother Theresa, I read her biography and she looks into people’s eyes and sees their soul rather than judging them from the outside and I try to do that now and see each person for who they are
Favourite thing to do each day? Take my dog for a walk on the beach – it gets me outside and the fresh air and exercise is great. If it weren’t for him I probably wouldn’t go out because I’m not a fan of gyms.
What’s something that still scares you? You know, through my NLP I’ve learnt not to be so scared of things. I guess jumping off a great height or bungy jumping doesn’t appeal to me. Growing old or losing my house or something, those things just don’t scare me anymore. I’m much stronger through the study and the work I’ve done.
Favourite book, app or technique? Technique – The Circle of Excellence – Rather than my subconscious learning to control me I am now learning to control and educate it. Stepping into your circle of excellence – 1. You think of a time when you were excellent, 2. Really see yourself and brighten that vision, 3. Hear what you heard at that time e.g. applause, words, birds singing, 4. Really turn up the volume of what you hear, 5. Then imagine a circle of stones, crystals, water whatever you like, 6. Step outside the circle, 7. Then watch the circle get smaller and smaller until it’s a small ring and you pick it up and put it on your finger and come back to the present moment, 8. Then every time you are facing something that scares you, take that imaginary ring off your finger and place it on the ground and step into it and you will immediately re-connect with those thoughts and those feelings and be the person that can achieve anything you want to achieve.
If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Homelessness, especially young people. I feel like that is, as a nation, is a criminal offence because those kids have run away from something that usually isn’t their fault and yet they think it is and that just breaks my heart.

Final Question

If you could turn back time what’s the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Don’t listen to other people’s negativity
What I’ve found throughout my life is that if other people were afraid to do something then they would tell you not to do that too
I find we do it with our children too
And what I realised is it was their anxiety and their fear
But because we thought they knew better because they were the adults, we took it onboard
And now I’ve realised that is not the case
So for all the parents out there, if you have a fear, maybe keep it to yourself LoL

Where can people reach out to you? www.2mpower.co

Facebook – 2mpower