Don’t let your past define your future… I definitely had emotionally abusive adoptive parents (thankfully my real parents that I reconnected with later in life are truly awesome!). I don’t need this article in Goalcast on 6 Signs you had an emotionally abusive parent to work that out. In fact, my adoptive parents did all of these things, plus a lot more too (physical and sexual abuse as well). But…I’ve put a lot of effort (and therapy) into ensuring that what happened to me as a child, didn’t define who I became as an adult.
It doesn’t have to become your truth
Just because certain traits are created within you in your childhood due to your environment, doesn’t mean they have to remain your entire life! Don’t let that be your truth because it doesn’t have to be. Your past doesn’t have to define your future. Yes, I still have moments of self-worth-doubt but show me a human being who doesn’t occasionally. It’s part of living life to the fullest and stretching your comfort zone. The difference is that they are only moments these days, rather than a deep-set belief that who I am is worthless.
Recognise the signs but don’t attach to them
If you are displaying any of the following “signs” don’t let it deflate you because these are simply behaviours. And behaviours are simply a reflection of a feeling.
You can gain control of your feelings. You really can. Rather than them controlling you.
And this means you can change your behaviour. Any of us can, if we choose to.
Make the choice. You are worth it. These signs are simply you crying out to be seen, heard, and loved:* Low Self Worth
* Unhealthy Relationships
* Not expressing your emotions
* Striving for the impossible perfection
* Seeking attention
* Letting guilt rule decisions
Before I realised what was the cause, I did all of these things and more. But once I realised what I was doing then I knew I had the power to change those behaviours and beliefs. I wanted to because I didn’t want to be a product of my adoptive parent’s actions.
I was determined my past would not define your future.
If I can do it, so can you!
Blaming your parents lets them define your future
Don’t get lost in blaming your parents either. They were doing the best they could, with what they knew and understood. No matter how crappy a job they did.
Blaming them will only keep you stuck in the vicious circle of their actions. That then means they have won. You are letting them control you and your life. Don’t let them define your future.
That was a long time ago and you are now an adult. This means you are responsible for what you believe in and what actions you choose to take. Choose to believe that you are worthy. That you are good enough. That you can express your emotions. And that you deserve to be loved. Get the support you need through a good therapist, genuine friends, and a loving partner to change those beliefs.
You were born worthy
The fact that you were born onto this earth is all the proof I need to believe that I deserve to be here and be loved. You were born pure and true as a gift to this world. Don’t let someone else’s inability to understand the effect of their actions define who you become. Defy the odds. Use your past to drive you forward in a positive way. Rather than letting it hold you back. With love and kindness always, Tegan Marshall