Facing the Fear of Happiness
Facing the fear of happiness is a real life problem for a lot of people. In the western world as we all strive for the ultimate goal of happiness I’ve discovered that all too often people are afraid to allow themselves the satisfaction of feeling happy. Instead, opting to protect themselves and be prepared for the possibility of the next major catastrophe.
I’m afraid something bad will happen
There are always going to be ‘bad’ things that happen. This is an unavoidable part of life. But, letting the potential occurrence of the next challenge stop you from enjoying the feeling of happiness is detrimental to the overall satisfaction of your life. How will you ever reach the level of contentment you desire if you never allow yourself to be in the present moment and experience the benefits of your hard work and dedication?
Plus, we all know, what we focus on grows, right. So, if you’re always focusing on the next problem, guess what you are going to attract? That’s right, more problems. Instead of directing your energy towards those things that make you happy so that you can attract more of those types of experiences into your life.
So, what does make you happy?
One of the reasons why people aren’t expressing their happiness more often is because they aren’t aware when they are actually happy or what happiness means to them. They haven’t taken the time to define it in detail so that it’s easily recognisable.
Not to be confused with joy, which is a heightened state of happiness and is usually momentary, happiness to me is that feeling of contentment when more than one thing in my life is working, when things are flowing with a bit more ease than usual. There are many simple things that can contribute to my happiness such as the sun shining, cuddles from a dog, a beach walk, and many more. Note, I didn’t say when everything is working perfectly! Otherwise I would be setting myself up to never be happy, and there’s just no fun in that.
Fear of contentment
There’s that word…contentment. So many people can’t face the fear of happiness because to them it means contentment and they relate this to another word; laziness. Yet the two are completely different. You can have contentment which will contribute to happiness and it doesn’t mean you aren’t still moving forward. Just because you are happy or content, doesn’t mean you don’t still have goals and drive either. It just means you are enjoying the moment. Laziness on the other hand isn’t related to happiness at all and instead is linked to feeling depressed, not doing anything, and feeling like an underachiever.
Fear of upsetting others
I’m often told, ‘I can’t face my fear of happiness and be happy because I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable’. So, instead they tippy toe around everyone else’s feelings for fear of upsetting them.
Now it’s nice to be considerate but last time I checked, this was your life. Don’t you think you deserve to live it how you want to and be happy if you’ve put in the hard yards? Just because Mary from the accounts department didn’t set her goals, create a plan and take action towards her happiness this year, why should you deny yourself the benefits of being happy? Truth be known, if you share your happiness, it usually inspires others to lift their game, and if it doesn’t, then it’s really not your problem.
As a side note, there is always something to be said for good manners. If your girlfriend has just lost her husband, you wouldn’t rub her face in the joy of your new engagement. That’s just poor taste. Be mindful, but don’t let other peoples lack of success hold you back from being happy about yours. It’s just not good for you.
Fear of being judged
Celebrating their happiness is also difficult for a lot of people. Especially Australians. We are often too afraid to say that we are happy because of being judged to be bragging, annoying, egotistical or simply looking like a tosser. It’s known as the tall poppy syndrome where if you get too big they will chop you down to size.
As if the thought of that isn’t bad enough we also criticise ourselves by saying that we don’t deserve to be happy or that we haven’t earned the right to be happy. Whatever lies you choose to tell yourself, in your heart of hearts you know they aren’t true because we all deserve to be happy. Isn’t that what we are striving for in life?
Stop being your own worst critic or self sabotaging when you are happy just because it seemed to come easily to you this time. There are no hard rules that say you have to struggle and fight for happiness. Look back on your life, I’m sure you struggled somewhere and that would have contributed to where you are today. Accept and enjoy the rewards.
Benefits of being happy
Besides the benefit of inspiring others to be happy, as mentioned earlier. Facing the fear of happiness also makes you more generous. When I’m feeling good about my life, I attract more great things into it and then it makes me automatically want to give more to others. Even before I attract even more happiness, when I’m happy it’s like my heart opens up and I just have more of me to give.
Now it’s your turn to be happy
It’s your given birth right as a human on this planet, to be happy. You wouldn’t deny a child the opportunity to be happy so why deny yourself? Now it’s your turn to get out there and firstly define (realistically) what makes you happy and then go for it. Go and make it happen and celebrate once you get there.
I know from experience that anyone who ever chooses to be happy and express it, it has taken them quite a journey to arrive at that place. So please don’t let fear win. Choose to be happy knowing you’ve earned it.
There will always be bad things that happen, that’s life but don’t focus on them so that they come to you quicker. How about focusing on happiness instead and you might just miss out on some of those potential bummers.
Practice happiness and I can assure you, the world wont end. In fact, you might find, you attract more things to be happy about and you might even inspire some of your friends to be a bit more upbeat in their day to day life too. Imagine if everyone did that just a little more, what an impact on the world that would have.
Want to learn more about how fear controls you? Download the Five Easy Steps to Facing Your Fears & Finding Your Freedom.