018: Leaving Unhealthy Relationships – Kiarna Ella

By Tegan Marshall

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In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kiarna Ella who shares:

How she finally found a way to leave an unhealthy relationship
Being in an environment that allowed her gift to flourish
Why trying to rescue and fix people doesn’t work
How easy it is to end up back in the wrong place
The importance of marrying for companionship and compatibility

Tegan’s Take Aways:

You can’t change people that don’t want to change – it’s really up to them to do it
Trust what you know
You aren’t broken or damaged
When someone shows you who they are, believe them
Ask yourself, “Is this how you want the rest of your life to be?”

About Kiarna Ella

Kiarna is known as The Nude Oracle. She is a disrupter to the matrix; here to remind you of your divinity and will share with you how to deprogram and clear that which does not serve you. When you realised how powerful you are, you begin to comprehend how much you can alter your reality and have everything flow with you.

PSYCHIC CLEARING ORACLE
“The ♡ Awakening Experience”
*Release* Suffering-Attachment-Programs
*Connect* Heart-Purpose-Tribe
*Expand*Intuition-Love-Possibilities

If you feel you have tried everything with limited results, now it the time to utilise a tried and tested Intuitive Combination to help you venture into the depth of you and return to your innocence, that which is always playful and protected in love, in this lifetime and beyond.

Contact Kiarna Ella

www.kiarnaella.com

kiarnaella.com

A Gift for Listeners From Kiarna Ella

Time is the most valuable thing we hold in this paradigm and Kiarna Ella would like to gift you with a 20 minute experience of “The Divine Design Reminder” to create momentum and a burning desire to Achieve. She will share the steps and offer options to inspire you to bounce out of bed in the morning with power and passion.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won’t share your details with anyone! Kiarna Ella will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Kiarna Ella. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 018: Leaving unhealthy relationships – Kiarna Ella

Kiarna Ella’s Fearless Story

I had an interesting upbringing. I had a mum who was a Johova Witness and an alcoholic and a dad who was a Buddist but was very violent towards my mum.
My mother said she drank because my father was violent and my father said he was violent because my mother drank. So the only thing I know for certain about my childhood was that my mother was drunk and my father was violent.
It was interesting to have that upbringing as a foundation you think is normal and as a result I grew up feeling like I was living a double life. There was one part of my life that was dark and full of dark experiences and the other part that was this amazing creative mind.
Amazing things were happening where I would meet people for the first time and tell them what they should be doing with their future and those that listened ended up making a lot of money.
One of the first times I remember ever receiving money was at eight years old and I had told someone a business idea and it had made them money.
So I was always very intuitive and I was never told that anything I was seeing or thinking or feeling wasn’t real. So it was kind of a blessing that both my parents were pre-occupied with their own stuff.

How did you turn it around?

I’m not sure how old I was but I remember looking around and deciding that this just wasn’t right. And deciding that this wasn’t how I was going to live my life. From that place I was able to handle the traumas that followed.
There used to be no food in the house, I would have to get myself off to school, dealing with inappropriate sexual behaviour from neighbours and strangers.
By recognising that it wasn’t normal, I felt like I was experiencing it for a greater purpose and that it was all going to pass.
I had an innate knowing right from the start that, that wasn’t how my story was going to end.
Around seventeen I realised that my sensitivity was expanding so I could feel everything that was happening around me. I would meet people and be able to see right through to their truth and I would go to the shops and become overwhelmed by all the different energies that were around me.
So I changed my path and tried to ignore it, turn it off and numb it as much as I could. I got involved in the wrong crowd and about a year into my losing myself I became pregnant with twins and at that point I completely straightened my life out.
I got engaged to the father of my children but after they were born he went back to the scene we had come from and so when they were four months old I left him and left the engagement ring on the table.
After that I was just working and studying as much as I could so that I could be the woman I wanted to be for my children.
When the kids were six I met and married a man and the warning signs were all there but I thought if I was married then maybe my family might be more open to seeing me as normal I suppose.
We got married on our one-year anniversary, which the concept of it was very romantic. Then that led me down a whole different path. Things seemed easier because I had someone to support me.
We had a honeymoon baby and after that the things I had seen at the beginning of the relationship started to surface. But at that point I had everything that I thought was me, was attached to the relationship.

What happened with the marriage?

When I met my ex-husband he had sustained frontal lobe damage in an accident and he was an absolutely gorgeous man to be around both physically and people just loved to be around him. He would make you laugh and was very humble.
I had known him for a really long time and he was engaged to someone else but after the accident happened they had separated. I started hanging out with him because I was a healer then and I thought I would be able to help him.
That’s the part I take responsibility for. If you go into a relationship thinking you are going to fix them, it’s not actually honouring his path or his journey.
When you have frontal lobe damage you have no impulse control so where as a normal person would go out for a few drinks they know when to stop, or not to go home with that other woman, or when he did finally come home, know not to hit your wife or behave badly in front of your children.
So when my youngest was two I ended up leaving him. I thought that was going to be great because he moved on to a relationship with one of my friends which was all ok because it meant I didn’t have to deal with him any more.
Not long after that though he told me that he was really sick and that he was actually dying of cancer. We had both moved on and were in relationships with other people but he was still the father of my son.
My relationship ended because I was always upset about my ex-husband dying and then we got back together because I couldn’t think of anything sadder than my son growing up without his dad.
During that time I fell pregnant with my daughter who is now three but while he was kind and gentle when I was pregnant with my son, it was the opposite with my daughter.
What I realised was that relationships have an energy between them and unless both people want it to be different, it ends up being what it was.
When my daughter was six months old I left him again and we kept separating and coming back together. There was just a magnetism that was too difficult to ignore.
Everyone around us knew it wasn’t healthy and we knew it wasn’t healthy but it seemed like it was something beyond both of us.

Where are you at with that relationship now?

I ended up having him move back in with me with the intention that it would make life easier with the kids and financially and we were just co-existing.
He became more angry and he would flip out and I couldn’t even see him in his eyes anymore. At one point he kept going back and forth to the shed each day and when I asked him what he was doing he just said, “Nothing”.
Then our house got searched because one of his friends had reported him to the police that he had firearms. I had been planning to leave and this ruined everything because it then made him suspicious. I was quite scared and even feared for my life.
About a week later the police went to my twins school and spoke with them without me being there and discovered he had been abusive towards my eldest son which I didn’t know about but in hind sight it makes sense.
That night he was arrested at our house and taken away and then he wasn’t allowed near us again which gave us some breathing space.
I then decided to move away a few hours for a fresh start and as we were packing, my friends and I found a sawn off shotgun. I was freaked out and couldn’t believe the police had missed it.
I then decided to move interstate to the Gold Coast and start fresh from there.
The point I want to make here is that while I was on that plane I decided rather than running away from him, we were moving towards a new future and I asked my children what it was they wanted in their future.

Advice for other women in unhealthy relationships?

So, basically you made a plan and then followed it through but do you have any other advice for women in similar situations.
Yes, there’s nothing you can do to make him see your worth and you aren’t broken or damaged, its just the way the relationship is.
Look at your relationship and evaluate it without the emotion. Like in science, do the two chemicals react, explode or gel together?
Firstly, stop and ask if that’s what you want your life to be and is this what you want your children’s life to be.
I know it’s not easy moving them away from family but make a plan, try and have some money together in case you have to leave urgently but otherwise, plan it out and make it happen.
Know there is always people out there that will love you and support you through the process and there are some really great organisations out there that can connect you to the right people and places.
And just follow your heart because your heart knows what’s true!

What are the gifts you received from your experience?

There has been a lot that I have learnt. I guess the first thing was that if someone shows you who they are, believe them because they usually aren’t lying.
The second is that you can’t fix or change someone and if you try then you are potentially messing with the journey they’re on.
Thirdly, people treat us how we think we deserve to be treated.
When you’ve been through these types of situations you just think that’s normal and you don’t know you deserve better and most of us don’t know our worth so when you start your journey of getting to know yourself, you will get treated differently.

What are you passionate about today Kiarna?

Ok, as a sideline to what was happening in my relationships, since I was about fifteen I have been consciously aware of what it is that I am here to do.
So every day I would be writing down every detail of the centre I was to open in the future. I began to study and sample everything I could as I continued to research everything for it.
Anything I got a result from I then went on to study so from the age of 23 I had done my coaching and several healing courses as well.
Since then I’ve been working with clients and expanding my level of consciousness. The more I find out there the more my clients are finding the infinite possibilities of what’s possible within themselves.

Tell us about your psychic clearing oracle?

I’ve been working with Sharmanic techniques using the earth as medicine and doing deep shadow work with people so it’s about releasing the shadows of the past so you can live an infinite life.
I do that in three steps – the first is to release attachment to the physical pain.
Then I help people to connect to their purpose, their heart and their tribe and then anything is possible.
The third step is to expand into those possibilities and I work a lot with people who have a big unspoken goals and I am able to show them the steps they need to take to make their dream a reality.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I’m not at a place at the moment where I would like to fall in love again. My priorities are my business and my babies but I would like to get to a place where I am confident again within myself to trust my choice.
What’s great when I am working with clients is that I see people for their potential but that’s not so great in choosing a partner.
The thing with potential is that not everyone wants to tap into that. Which I’ve learnt the hard way.
It’s a matter of embracing it and not letting it stop you

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Kiarna Ella

Who inspires you? Betty White I think is just amazing and completely fearless and the other person is Oprah.
Favourite thing to do each day? The dance, clean, cook method which is putting on your favourite music really loudly and dance around the house while you cook and clean. It’s something that helps to raise the vibration of the house, especially good if you have children.
What’s something that still scares you? Falling in love again.
Favourite technique or app or book? Book = Desert Flower by Laura Steering about the genital mutilation of young girls in third world countries.
If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? The abuse of women and children.