020: 7 steps to FREEDOM – Tegan Mathews
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In this episode:
In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews shares the 7 steps to freedom method:
- Learn the seven steps that will enable you to face any fear
- Increase your self-confidence by mastering the fears that trigger you
- Boost your self-esteem with the knowledge you can make it happen
- Change your life by applying this easy to remember method to your own fears
Tegan’s Take Aways – The 7 steps to Freedom method:
- Fear – understand how it works for and against you
- Recognise triggers and symptoms in your behaviour
- Evaluate if the fear is real or not
- Enlist a support crew of cheerleaders and advisors
- Decide you can do it and make a plan
- One deep breath and jump – take action
- Master your fear by repeating the process and acknowledging yourself
About Tegan’s 7 Steps to Freedom Method
After becoming a qualified Fearless Living Coach over ten years ago Tegan has continued her studies with various other teachers such as Dr Demartini, Tony Robbins, Louise Hay, Brene Brown and many more.
While coaching clients on facing their fears she has perfected these 7 steps that have been proven to overcome and master any fear. Whether it’s the fear of being vulnerable, or the fear of failure or success, or the fear of rejection, these 7 steps to Freedom can guide you through the process of recognising, facing and mastering those fears.
Contact Tegan Mathews
A Gift for Listeners From Tegan Mathews
A free download of the seven steps to FREEDOM with a pretty design that you can print out and put up on your mirror or on your computer or even on the back of your toilet door if you want 🙂
Show Notes: Episode 020: 7 steps to Freedom – Tegan Mathews
Tegan Mathews – 7 Steps to FREEDOM Method
- I used to be filled with fears. I was always so afraid of upsetting people that I would run around making sure everyone was happy and had everything they needed. The ultimate people pleaser to keep the peace.
- I was afraid of the future and what might happen, having been through some pretty horrific things in my life, even though I had survived and even more than that, succeeded in my life I still worried about what might happen in the future and how I could prepare for it.
- I was also too afraid to be myself and speak up when I disagreed with something or about what I believed in and instead I would hide behind a mask that would change depending on the group of people I was around.
What changed for me?
- I was on a flight to Los Angeles one day and in the airport I came across Rhonda Brittens book Fearless Living. I bought it and began to read it while I waited for my flight.
- By the time I got off the plane at the other end I knew my life would never be the same again. I immediately began implementing what I had learnt from the book and then signed up to her coach training which takes a year to complete. I moved to USA for a year to complete the training and have been working on myself and with clients since then.
- That was twelve years ago and since then I have grown immensely and overcome so many of my own fears and helped thousands of women to overcome theirs. I have completed other courses which have added to my suite of skills, tools and growth.
- I’ve also faced a lot of fears ranging from jumping out of planes, racing jet boats and diving into ice water through to falling in love, finding my real family and sharing my true story.
- From the culmination of all of these experiences and courses I have developed a method that has been proven to work with any fear and it gives you the steps to take to face your fear and master it.
- This is what I want to share with you today.
Before I explain that method lets look at why do you want to face a fear?
- I have tried to ignore my fears and just live my life anyway but that didn’t work because if you don’t give your fears the attention they are requesting from you then they will just get bigger and bigger and effect your life even more, until you do.
- I’ve also realised that fear was what was stopping me from being happy, confident and living a life on purpose. Fear stopped me from connecting with people and it became a constant battle within myself between my true self and my fearful self.
- The self doubt that fear used against me would lower my confidence and consequently my self esteem which then effected the choices I made and how I conducted myself on a daily basis.
- Once I discovered how fear works and learnt how to recognise and master my fears my self esteem improved, my confidence then grew and I was then able to create the life I had only ever dreamed of.
- I now have better friendships, more love in my life and more happiness on a daily basis.
- Yes, it isn’t all roses and butterfly’s but when I do face a challenge or recognise a fear has triggered me it no longer controls me. I now have the skills and tools (and the experience) to not let it take over me.
- I cant tell you how amazing this is to experience and this is what I want for you which is why I am sharing this method here on the podcast.
So lets now look at how to overcome any fear with the 7 steps to Freedom method:
- The first step in the FREEDOM method is the understanding of what FEAR is and how FEAR works for you and against you (if you let it). It’s all about understanding that fear creates a belief based on a past experience and then protects that belief at all costs.
- As human beings it is part of our makeup to be right because that provides us with one of the six human needs which is certainty. So, your fear wont let you question your beliefs, but it will defend your beliefs even if they no longer serve you any more.
- Consequently, when we come across a new experience that has some similarities our fear makes us box that experience into the past one and then we react with either a fight, flight or freeze.
- The second step is to RECOGNISE when your fear shows up and the easiest way to do that is to observe your behaviour. Often when we have been triggered by fear we might get angry or defensive. We might feel overwhelmed or confused. We might retract and go silent or become louder. We tend to detach from our true essence and start behaving like someone else. If fear has been plagueing our life for a long time this might even feel like it’s the real you because you are so familiar with that behaviour but it always stems from a fear.
- The best thing to watch out for is whenever you aren’t being loving because the essence of who we all are is loving and when we are being loving towards ourselves or others then it is impossible to feel fear at the same time. So, if we are blaming or judging or angry and defensive etc then we aren’t being loving so look deeper at that and see if you can recognise what it is you are afraid of that might be causing that reaction.
- The third step is to EVALUATE if your fear is real or not. Fears job is to protect us so that we don’t do something that will cause us to be harmed. It is a very important role to ensure our longevity but it also doesn’t know the difference between a past experience and a current one so it tends to box experiences together to save reaction time.
- This means that a new experience might be boxed with an old one as the same and yet it really isn’t but this process allows fear to do its job quickly and efficiently.
- Your job, in mastering your fear is to logically (without emotion) evaluate the facts and determine if the fear is real or not.
- If it is real then you need to make a plan and take the appropriate action or actions to combat that so that you aren’t harmed.
- If it’s not real then you need to determine if what you are doing aligns with your core values because often fear will lead you away from your core values to keep you small and safe. Checking in that you are in alignment will give you the answers as to what actions you need to take next which is usually the actions you are afraid to take.
- Step four is to ENLIST the support of others which you are going to need in order to overcome your fear and take the action to make it happen. Those you choose to support you need to know exactly what it is you want them to do so take some time to get clear on the type of support you want. Do you want their advice? Do you want them to cheer you on when it gets tough? Do you want them to hold you accountable? What sort of support and who do you want to provide that support is very important.
- Step five is to DECIDE THAT YOU CAN & MAKE A PLAN. Deciding is actually the most important step in all of these seven steps because once you decide you can do something then you can make it happen but if you don’t decide and you constantly sit on the fence of “I don’t know” then you will never master your fears.
- Making that decision simply involves weighing up the facts and determining that you do in deed want that particular outcome or to take that particular action.
- Then its time to make a plan! If you need to ask for advice and support then that’s why I mentioned that step four is to gather people around you for that. So that when you are ready to make a plan you have everything and everyone that you need. Start with the goal and then list the steps you need to do to get there and then break it down into do-able baby steps.
- Step six is to TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND THEN JUMP – there is no point making all the preparation if you don’t actually take action and often a lot of people get stuck here where they have recognised what the fear is, evaluated that it is not real and then decided to face it and made a plan but then don’t take the action.
- The easiest way to do this is to trust your evaluation and believe in yourself and literally take a deep breath and jump into it. Take that first step. Call upon your support team to give you a nudge if you need it but you must take that first step. Tony Robbins says that the first step of action must be taken within an hour of actually making the decision and the plan so look at that first step and as Nike says, “Just do it”.
- Once you’ve taken that step, and the next, and then the next (they will become easier, I promise!) you will more often than not, you will find that the fear is actually not as bad as you thought it might be and you will always grow from the experience. Your comfort zone will expand, your self esteem will be given a boost and your confidence will grow.
- The last step in the process is to MAKE IT A HABIT. Facing a fear once is usually not enough to master that fear so I always recommend repeating the process again and again until that fear no longer has any hold over you and there is no reaction or trigger. Until it becomes natural for you to do what it is that you were afraid of.
- I am still working on my fear of diving but each time it does get easier and more enjoyable and my confidence grows. Plus, as all of this happens, it turns out I am making more dive friends now too…imagine that! LoL
- There is also a BONUS STEP which I recommend and that is to acknowledge yourself for taking the steps and facing your fear. Give yourself a pat on the back and look in the mirror and verbally acknowledge how well you have done to face that fear.
- You can also acknowledge yourself outwardly by letting your friends and family know of your achievement. All of this contributes to the process of facing your fears.
I hope this all makes sense and you are able to apply these steps and practice them so that they become second nature to you and you are able to live a more fulfilling life and a more fearless life.
Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Tegan Mathews
- Who inspires you? My dear friend Deb Bailey who struggles through life as a single mum bringing up two beautiful girls and yet always has time for other people. She is so thoughtful and loving and has a heart of gold. To me she is an angel.
- Favourite thing to do each day? I am currently in France so eating fresh food each day and having a glass of wine guilt free is fabulous.
- What’s something that still scares you? I hate to admit it but terrorists scare me because you never know what they’re going to do next or where and as we travel it is on my mind.
- Favourite technique or app or book? My favourite thing at the moment is Canva.com which enables me to be creative easily. I just love it. I can create everything from memes to brochures. It’s great!
- If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? It is and always will be to eliminate abuse throughout the world.
If you could turn back time what’s the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?
- You are loved and worthy of being loved…always!
Where can people reach out to you? www.facingfears.com.au
Facebook – Facing.Fears
A Gift for Listeners From Tegan Mathews
A free download of the seven steps to FREEDOM with a pretty design that you can print out and put up on your mirror or on your computer or even in your toilet if you want 🙂
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