What’s stopping you from having it all?

Facing Fears Blog - what's stopping you from having it all

What’s stopping you from having it all might be that you think you can’t or think you shouldn’t. I’ve been told several times throughout my life that you can’t have it all by people who I respected and admired. This caused me to think that I couldn’t. It also led me to feel guilty for wanting more.

You should be grateful for what you have is the mantra of this decade but what does that mean to you? Does it mean that you shouldn’t strive for what you want? That you shouldn’t want for more? Every night before I go to sleep I list all that I am grateful for that day. Every morning I watch my mind movie on all that I am striving for. For me, this is a balance, but all too often I see clients who are feeling guilty for wanting more.

Do you have a fabulous life but feel like there’s something missing? Do you have a life your friends are jealous of so you feel that you shouldn’t want more, but you do? Guilt is a feeling that fear uses to keep you small. It’s ok to be grateful and also go after what you want because the more you have, be and do, the more you will contribute to the world.

Challenge your beliefs. If you believe you can’t have it all, we all know that what we tell ourselves comes true, so you won’t ever get it with an attitude like that. Ask yourself, “Who says you can’t have it all?” And, “Is that true?” Then go and find someone who has what you want and model your behaviour on them. As long as you are clear in what it is you want, you will be well on your way to achieving it.

Do you know what you want? Sometimes what’s stopping you from having it all is actually knowing what that is. If you don’t know what it is that’s missing from your life, then you won’t succeed in getting it. You may just have a sense or a feeling of un-fulfilment. Take the time to explore what that means to you and define with as much detail as you can, what it is that you truly desire.

The fear of being judged could be what’s stopping you from having it all? Maybe your friends or family have made certain comments about other people who have achieved what you want, and you are afraid they will judge you the same way. To this, I ask you, “How is your playing small serving the world?” The road to success and fulfilment is paved with challenges and can be lonely at times, yet the gifts you give and receive by following that path can be ten fold to staying stuck where you are, not wanting to upset others.

Maybe it’s the fear of change that is stopping you from having it all? When you decide to face your fears and step into your chosen path, it can be daunting. It is nearly always new territory. It will stretch your comfort zone, guaranteed, and often comes with a certain amount of responsibility. Sometimes your fear will attempt to convince you that staying the way you are is safer, better or easier. But letting this fear of change win only ensures a life of regrets.

It could also be your expectations. Often I will say, “It is only your fears or the fears of others that have been put upon you that are what’s stopping you from having it all.” The response I usually receive is “You don’t understand” and then they will list all the reasons why it can’t happen for them. What this tells me is that they are stuck in their expectations of how their “all” has to look and/or how they have to get there.

For example, part of your ‘having it all’ might be that you want to be a mother, but you are unable to fall pregnant. Yes, this makes it more challenging, but there are plenty of foster children who need a good mother and children looking to be adopted. Don’t let your expectations of how it is supposed to occur be what’s stopping you from having it all.

The truth is, you can have it all. As long as you don’t harm another human being to get it, it is your birthright to be, do and have all that this world has to offer in order for you to become all you were born to be. So don’t let your fears stop you and when someone says to you, “You can’t have it all” know that it is their fear talking. Don’t make them feel wrong, get curious and maybe ask them “What makes you think that you can’t?”

Want to learn more about how fear controls you? Download the Five Easy Steps to Facing Your Fears & Finding Your Freedom.

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